Last Sunday was different. We did chat… a lot… and suddenly I heard ‘blogger tegar’. Sorry, but to concentrate on a discussion while eating and keeping your eyes on your kid and all was pretty hard for me. Are they talking about me or my friend? What was the topic just now? Then I heard Paris…tak larat nak baca…. tengok gambar jek……. Well that’s must be me.
I don’t know but I kind of dislike the word tegar. I don’t want to be known as tegar. I’m not. I write because I wanted to. It gives me self-satisfaction out of knowing that what I write can inspire others, or relates to what other people goes thru. I share because I thought its fun to share. But, am I telling too much? Now I hate my blog. The intellects say, when you write something out in the open, you'd have to be open enough to accept anything that comes your way. Am I ready for this? They are my close friends. God knows what other people out there might want to say about my blog. Syok sendiri…tu pon nak cerita…you know all that sorts.
Then, when Iman expertly and excitedly clicking away the plastic camera toy, they said oohhh look, anak blogger. Now they even have phrase anak blogger. It hits me. Will Iman be happy to what I wrote about him? Or will he hates me for this? You know, what people say or leave online will stay pretty permanent. Scary huh? So the idea of hoping he will not be finding this blog is pretty stupid. Wallaweiiiii that’s pretty deep, isn’t it?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me today. Its too early for PMS but perasaan begini amat tak best. May be I need my old style strong drinks - coke botol super sejuk.
Eh, don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at you, my friends. I’m mad at myself. I still love party…..writing…and all……apada????